Anyways, off track. Australia has been good to me so far. A nice, “big” spider decided to welcome me just the other day. Of course I know this isn’t the largest around here but I can still see the segments of its body. IT’S TOO DAMN BIG! Not to mention it decided to scurry around a bit when I was trying to get a picture. That thing is fast! And today there happens to be a smaller one on the wall I’m facing, behind a picture frame. Ahhh, the joys. I’m just going to let it be until someone else decides to trap it or it attacks me, whichever comes first.

Louie seemed happy to see me when I got here. He let me cuddle him for a bit and has been spending quite a lot of time in our room. Daniel’s mum got some baskets for me to put my clothes in and happened to grab a few extra. Louie really seems to love them. He’ll fall asleep in one and then I’ll carry him around while he purrs. He finally seems more lovey. Just what I wanted. There still seems to be a tiny battle about feeding him (When he needs food, how much he gets, what kind). I also think he’s having a problem with furballs. I’ll be taking him to the vet sometime soon for a check-up so I’ll be asking about it then. Maybe I’ll ask about a job there, too!

And finally, Daniel. He was so happy to see me. He’s still in that stage of “OH MY GOD SHE’S HERE” where as I’m in the stage of, “I never left, what are you talking about? Get off of me!” It really feels like I never left, which is odd since I’ve been gone for 6 months. It is still really great to finally be with him again! And this time we know it’s “forever”. I’m really not a lovey person but I know I love him. We plan on moving out of his mum’s place shortly after I get a job. I can’t wait for that next step. I hope it’ll work out well for us. Once we know it’s working, maybe more “next steps” will happen!

That’s it for now. Thanks for reading!

-Ciera

The thing is, when I think about the future, all I see is us. I love him to death! I really do. I just don’t feel it all the time.

Are these feelings normal? Is it alright to almost never get that overwhelming feeling of love everytime I see or hear him? What’s wrong with me?!

This is my first relationship… it’s so confusing. I feel like I’m doing things right except for times like tonight.

Since he left my anxiety has flared up big time. I can’t talk to the people I’m around. Big groups of friends make me uncomfortable. Yet I’m so lonely.

I’ve been trying to get a job with only one bite that I didn’t hook. I don’t know where I can go or what I can do until I get back to Australia to be with him.

I’m usually pretty good at hiding these feelings from everyone, including myself. If you see me, please reach out. I need to feel welcomed. I need to feel like I am wanted here.

Front, June 2011

Front hair up, June 2011

Side hair up, June 2011

I wish it was a bit shorter but it’s scary to do myself and Daniel is too afraid to mess up. I still really like it, though. And I love that it’s pretty much hidden unless my hair is up! It makes me feel like I have a secret. xD

I attended Slutwalk on Saturday. Unfortunately I don’t have my own photos. I left my camera battery at home! Fortunately, a friend I went with took a few pictures. I also was lucky enough to meet someone from the 2nd season of Beauty and the Geek Australia. Now I’m in the process of begging him to show me his photos so I can steal some of me to put in my gallery. Anyways, it was really fun to attend. Since it was cold, not many people dressed up for the event. I actually think more men dressed up than woman. It was amazing how many men were there!! It seems to be split in half: men/women. There were some very moving speeches as well. I have to admit, I wasn’t 100% into the whole thing but I’m still very glad I attended. I might get more into next time.

I’ll be leaving for the USA in just a little over 17 days. There are a lot of things I need to get done for the partner visa I’m wanting to get next, plus packing. I can fit it all into the next few weeks, I’m just feeling stressed about it all. I wish Daniel could take some of the load off but he’s really busy with his exam weeks for uni.

Long distance relationships are really tough. I want to be excited about coming back home but being in the US means Daniel and I have to be apart soon. We cried about it last night… 2 months before the inevitable day. This parting is going to be the worst, hands down.

I think that’s it for now. Until next time,
-Ciera

Well, I’ve made it a month in Australia. I knew I would considering my last visit here was 3 months long ! It’s been really great here. Of course there’s been down days but I wouldn’t change anything about it! During the weeks I’ve been doing things to keep my self busy including looking for jobs and visiting Daniel at work. At least one day during the weekend is spent as a ‘date day’. On those days we usually go out all day and enjoy our time together. I’m so thankful we have the weekends to spend so much time together!

This week I spent most of the time at home. Normally that would make me feel a bit upset but I stayed busy enough to feel like I accomplished something. I managed to finish all the friendship bracelets I was working on. I also wrote some letters and made some necklaces for my brother and sister. On Thursday, Daniel’s mum managed to talk me into going grocery shopping with her. We got ingredients for tacos! They were really good ! Daniel was on a fun go-carting trip that his office does. I wish I could have gone! On Friday, I went into the city to visit my man at work. While together, we set up his part of our joint bank account. Then we went to the post office so I could send everything I worked on. After that, we went and got lunch at KFC. So healthy, right?!

This weekend we decided to just spend one day out. Before we actually set out for our date, we got haircuts (seen above!). I was worried about how mine would turn out but I ended up loving it! I still do, of course xD! After that, we didn’t decide what we were going to do, Melbourne Zoo or Luna Park, until we got to one of the locations. Part of the uncertainty was the weather. It was raining for a little bit but we still decided to go to the zoo. I was so excited to see the baby elephant there! Her name is Mali . We found out that in just a few weeks, another elephant will be having a baby. I made sure Daniel knew we were visiting again just for that! While we were there, we also discovered that there were baby tigers! They were being so playful when we visited them. Mommy tiger was walking around roaring. Also, while visiting this time, we got to see the red panda. When we visited last year, it was hiding in a little box, eating food. This time it was up in a tree just looking down at everyone. It made me soooooo happy! Red Pandas are cute ^_^!! Will you get me one? If you’d like to see any pictures of the trip, either go to my facebook or visit my joint blog with Daniel. We just set it up tonight so there’s not much on it but we made sure we got some zoo pics up.

Anywho, that’s it for now! Wish me luck on the next week! I’m hoping for an interview soon, from anywhere! Byebye!

-Ciera

Today I spent a wonderful day with Daniel, his sister, and his mom. We had lunch at a nice buffet and then got some shopping in. We had to get some ingredients for delicious cookies that we made later in the day. Mmmmm, cookies! They turned out soo well! They were meant to be plain lemon cookies, with icing but we decided to make them more exciting with RAINBOW (++death) colors! Not only do they look good but they taste delicious as well!

After two weeks of waiting, I finally got my tax file number (TFN). A TFN is similar to a social security number (SSN) in America, for those who didn’t know. I feel better about applying for jobs now. I also got a packet for the bank account I opened. My TFN is useful for that as well. Not nearly as much as it is for jobs, though.

I’ve finished a few things for friends, just need to post them now! I’ll have to do that this week. I should also apply for some more jobs and visit Daniel more.

Keep a smile on your face!

-Ciera

Today, Daniel and I went out to do some shopping and just spend the day together. We walked through IKEA to look at furniture. I loved doing that. It got me very excited for the possibilities the future brings. IKEA didn’t have anything we could afford, and needed, so we decided to stop by another store to look at dressers and bookshelves. We had to go via train and while waiting there, a young man gave me a compliment:

You look very pretty for a… bigger woman.

I’m not one to get many compliments from strangers so it made me feel very good. The stranger also told Daniel he was very lucky to have me but he already knew that! Anyways, Daniel and I made our way to the other store and purchased a bookshelf. YAY! A place for my two books I brought here >_<! Hopefully Daniel will manage to fill up the rest.

I’ve been here, in Australia, for a week now. It seems as if I never left! I haven’t been up to much since I got here, though. Mostly just sitting around on the computer until Daniel gets off work. I applied for my TFN so I am able to apply for jobs once I work on my resume. It’ll be good to get out of the house. My life will begin to get more exciting!

Anyways, I have no idea what else to write and I have lost almost all my concentration. Ciao for now! <3

The nine months, that are now behind us, have been so difficult for me! Before we met, chatting was always a fun experience. After meeting and spending three months together, I started getting really frustrated and taking things he said the wrong way. I partly blame the distance. I was so unhappy that I couldn’t be there; my overall mood has changed from relaxed and happy, to stressed and discontent. I miss the way I felt before. Although, I have faith that when I’m there my mood will change drastically again.

More has gone on in life, as well. Along with the stress of the distance: I live in this disgusting house (daily stressor); my family has made me feel used, neglected, and just disrespected; and my moms ex-husband, and my brother and sisters father, had an incident that has left him with no movement on his right side and possible one blind eye. Sound like a good nine months to you?! Now, I know I could have things a lot worse… it just feels like bad things have been happening one things after another, after another, for the past three years.

Through all that, even though he’s part of the distance, I’ve had Daniel. He makes it easier for me to deal with things. He listens to me complain and deals with my stupid, pointless emotions I have at times. I honestly don’t know where I’d be right now if I didn’t have him…

SO, as the title implies (I HOPE!), I’m moving in with him and starting a new life! No more distance! I am both excited and very scared! Although I hate being here, I’m used to living in America. The thought of leaving everything I’ve ever known overwhelms most me of… Hopefully I’ll be more excited as I fly to Australia! Anyways, I applied for the 12 month work/holiday visa in April and they granted it in under 24 hours. We both plan on working hard to get the Partner Visa next. It takes a lot of work, time, and… a LOT of money! We’re both very focused on making this work to make things better for the both of us, though!

I’m so excited to finally have a ‘normal’ relationship again!

Today I spent some time with my best friend, Tanya. The last time I talked to/saw her was about 7 months ago. It was really nice to catch up with her. I love that we can lose contact for months, or years, and still be as close as we are. It just shows how strong friendships can be

I got a job at a Papa John’s that just opened here! I be deliverin’ pizzas now! xD  I’m so glad I finally have a job! It’s not what I’d like to be doing but the hours are good, tips are nice, and I love most of the people I work with I’ve met some people there that I hope I know for a long time.  It’s weird that I like almost everything about it, but I don’t necessarily enjoy working there. 

I really need to go visit my dad soon. It’s been… years I feel so bad that I haven’t seen him. Once I graduated high school and started life, it was up to me to get over there. I just haven’t “found the time” to . I’m focused on getting over there early this year, though. I’m aiming for before March. Or maybe his birthday at the beginning of April. I’m his only daughter. I know this isn’t the relationship he was hoping to have with me… I’m going to try and rebuild it.

Oh! Have I mentioned this amazing man that seems to have stolen my heart?! Pretty sure I have a whole post talking about us xD! He is the most incredible person I have EVER met! I can’t get over him and the way he makes me feel. I guess it might be love. Maybe… xD! I’m missing him so much right now It’s hard seeing all these people close to me with boyfriends/girlfriends, and having him soooooo far away. Even my mom has someone, although he’s 6 hours away… That’s still closer than Daniel will be for a long time I know our love will last through this, though. I trust him and love him so much! He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me and I won’t let him go!! <3 That’s a promise!!

Well, I think that’s all for now folks. Maybe next time I’ll actually share my views on things… or not. Maybe I’ll just complain/brag again Have a good night/day/evening/life! Thanks for reading. Love to you!

-Ciera

Anyways, now I am listening to music and trying not to be here while still being here. I can’t wait for a new life! Really. I am soooo excited to just ‘start over’. I feel like I’m just surviving until then. Then, when I start living! Gahhh! I’m so impatient sometimes. XD

Hmm, something I’m starting to realize: Parents are right sometimes . Did you ever hear, “Your friends now may not be your friends forever, even if it feels like that now.”? Haha! My dad said that a lot but I never believed him. I thought the friendships I’ve had for 10+ years would always be, ya’ know? My views sure have changed recently. I am definitely not as close as I used to be with my two best friends I’ve had for about 12 years now. I haven’t talked to one of them for 6 months now because she hasn’t responded to any of my messages . The other friend; I think we will be friends for a long time still but I just don’t feel as close as we were in our younger years. Mmm… blah! Just, blaaaah. That’s how I feel right now.

And also! While I’m on the friends topic, and before I chicken out again ^_^, I feel I should give my feelings about “being left out.” Heh! I really hate when my friends complain about that. I really don’t want to point certain people out but just know it bugs me. I try not to show I’m upset when you talk about things you’ve done together. It really does happen to me a lot. I’ve actually learned to accept it and deal with being alone at home. And dealing with being a second/third/fourth/100th thought. -__- ANYWAYS! moving on…

There is one person I know will always want to be around me. Ha! Might be easy to guess who it is . It’s not fun having that person on a different continent Miles and miles away! It’s something I have to deal with, though. I think I’m really doing a good job. And I’m happy. You may hear me complain but… I am very happy that I’m in this relationship. I don’t dread the distance either. I just wish it wasn’t there .

He really is the most amazing person ! The only person who has actually made me so happy that I cried <3 Heh!

Anyways, I can’t really think anymore. I just really needed to get lost. This definitely helped a bit. Mmm, and this post seems less formal than I’d like it to be :S! I guess it’s okay. This IS a blog! Ha… I need to relax. Okay, I’m done.

P.S. I’m really done this time Thanks for reading!