1. I miss you. We used to have some really good nights together, just talking all night. I think I screwed things up between us and I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you at all. I hope one day we’ll talk again, at least enough for me to get some closure. I have no idea why you left and won’t accept me again. I need to know that. I need to know if you’re upset at me. And most importantly, I need to know if I have a reason to apologize. I really hope you stop ignoring me one of these days. I don’t feel like giving up on you yet even though it’s been… a long time. I can’t think of how many years! I hope to hear from you soon, buddy. Hope things are good. Just sent you a message again. Please respond!

2. I love you. I know we’re going to be together for a very long time. Remember, I don’t believe in forever, but I do hope we last for years and years. We’ve pushed through a lot of stuff. Our relationship has grown over such a large distance. I’m excited to finally start living with you and possibly one day getting married and having children. Of course both of those are years away. Definitely not feeling ready for them today! I’m so proud of you! You’re very successful with the things you do. I love you. To infinity and beyond… but not forever!

3. We haven’t talked in awhile. It’s been upsetting me but a friend pointed out recently that you might be feeling the same way I do. I want to talk to you about it but it’s hard to do. I haven’t been able to approach you with things for a while. When we talk, you never say much. I’m really worried about you.
You’ve been through a lot but now that you’re out of the worst parts, you’re still stuck. I wish I could help but it’s better for me to grow. I hope things get better for you! Maybe, once I’m rich in Australia, I can fly you and your other kids to visit me.

4. It’s really frustrating dealing with you sometimes. You just don’t seem to understand other people. I get it, believe me. Sometimes I have the hardest time understanding others. It’s just frustrating having a role model that doesn’t understand me. Since I’ve moved near you, we’ve gotten a bit closer which has been really good! I love you. I’d still really like it if you’d acknowledge my growth in learning how to love myself just as I am. I’ve always looked for you approval but I think I’m finally learning that it doesn’t matter anymore. I just need to make myself proud.

5. I feel very lucky to have you in my life. I’m able to talk to you about things I can’t open up about with my parents. You’ve been taking care of me when you really have no obligation to do so. You’re amazing! Plain and simple. I appreciate everything you have done for me. I’m so glad we plan on keeping each other in our lives. Thanks for everything! I love you.

I was done at 4 but I had to add one more because I like odd numbers and, oddly enough, it felt more equal. o_o
I plan on doing another one of these eventually. I have many people I’d like to write little notes to.

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The nine months, that are now behind us, have been so difficult for me! Before we met, chatting was always a fun experience. After meeting and spending three months together, I started getting really frustrated and taking things he said the wrong way. I partly blame the distance. I was so unhappy that I couldn’t be there; my overall mood has changed from relaxed and happy, to stressed and discontent. I miss the way I felt before. Although, I have faith that when I’m there my mood will change drastically again.

More has gone on in life, as well. Along with the stress of the distance: I live in this disgusting house (daily stressor); my family has made me feel used, neglected, and just disrespected; and my moms ex-husband, and my brother and sisters father, had an incident that has left him with no movement on his right side and possible one blind eye. Sound like a good nine months to you?! Now, I know I could have things a lot worse… it just feels like bad things have been happening one things after another, after another, for the past three years.

Through all that, even though he’s part of the distance, I’ve had Daniel. He makes it easier for me to deal with things. He listens to me complain and deals with my stupid, pointless emotions I have at times. I honestly don’t know where I’d be right now if I didn’t have him…

SO, as the title implies (I HOPE!), I’m moving in with him and starting a new life! No more distance! I am both excited and very scared! Although I hate being here, I’m used to living in America. The thought of leaving everything I’ve ever known overwhelms most me of… Hopefully I’ll be more excited as I fly to Australia! Anyways, I applied for the 12 month work/holiday visa in April and they granted it in under 24 hours. We both plan on working hard to get the Partner Visa next. It takes a lot of work, time, and… a LOT of money! We’re both very focused on making this work to make things better for the both of us, though!

I’m so excited to finally have a ‘normal’ relationship again!

Today I spent some time with my best friend, Tanya. The last time I talked to/saw her was about 7 months ago. It was really nice to catch up with her. I love that we can lose contact for months, or years, and still be as close as we are. It just shows how strong friendships can be

I got a job at a Papa John’s that just opened here! I be deliverin’ pizzas now! xD  I’m so glad I finally have a job! It’s not what I’d like to be doing but the hours are good, tips are nice, and I love most of the people I work with I’ve met some people there that I hope I know for a long time.  It’s weird that I like almost everything about it, but I don’t necessarily enjoy working there. 

I really need to go visit my dad soon. It’s been… years I feel so bad that I haven’t seen him. Once I graduated high school and started life, it was up to me to get over there. I just haven’t “found the time” to . I’m focused on getting over there early this year, though. I’m aiming for before March. Or maybe his birthday at the beginning of April. I’m his only daughter. I know this isn’t the relationship he was hoping to have with me… I’m going to try and rebuild it.

Oh! Have I mentioned this amazing man that seems to have stolen my heart?! Pretty sure I have a whole post talking about us xD! He is the most incredible person I have EVER met! I can’t get over him and the way he makes me feel. I guess it might be love. Maybe… xD! I’m missing him so much right now It’s hard seeing all these people close to me with boyfriends/girlfriends, and having him soooooo far away. Even my mom has someone, although he’s 6 hours away… That’s still closer than Daniel will be for a long time I know our love will last through this, though. I trust him and love him so much! He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me and I won’t let him go!! <3 That’s a promise!!

Well, I think that’s all for now folks. Maybe next time I’ll actually share my views on things… or not. Maybe I’ll just complain/brag again Have a good night/day/evening/life! Thanks for reading. Love to you!

-Ciera

Anyways, now I am listening to music and trying not to be here while still being here. I can’t wait for a new life! Really. I am soooo excited to just ‘start over’. I feel like I’m just surviving until then. Then, when I start living! Gahhh! I’m so impatient sometimes. XD

Hmm, something I’m starting to realize: Parents are right sometimes . Did you ever hear, “Your friends now may not be your friends forever, even if it feels like that now.”? Haha! My dad said that a lot but I never believed him. I thought the friendships I’ve had for 10+ years would always be, ya’ know? My views sure have changed recently. I am definitely not as close as I used to be with my two best friends I’ve had for about 12 years now. I haven’t talked to one of them for 6 months now because she hasn’t responded to any of my messages . The other friend; I think we will be friends for a long time still but I just don’t feel as close as we were in our younger years. Mmm… blah! Just, blaaaah. That’s how I feel right now.

And also! While I’m on the friends topic, and before I chicken out again ^_^, I feel I should give my feelings about “being left out.” Heh! I really hate when my friends complain about that. I really don’t want to point certain people out but just know it bugs me. I try not to show I’m upset when you talk about things you’ve done together. It really does happen to me a lot. I’ve actually learned to accept it and deal with being alone at home. And dealing with being a second/third/fourth/100th thought. -__- ANYWAYS! moving on…

There is one person I know will always want to be around me. Ha! Might be easy to guess who it is . It’s not fun having that person on a different continent Miles and miles away! It’s something I have to deal with, though. I think I’m really doing a good job. And I’m happy. You may hear me complain but… I am very happy that I’m in this relationship. I don’t dread the distance either. I just wish it wasn’t there .

He really is the most amazing person ! The only person who has actually made me so happy that I cried <3 Heh!

Anyways, I can’t really think anymore. I just really needed to get lost. This definitely helped a bit. Mmm, and this post seems less formal than I’d like it to be :S! I guess it’s okay. This IS a blog! Ha… I need to relax. Okay, I’m done.

P.S. I’m really done this time Thanks for reading!